While I watch some of my friends rolling along life's highway in the Hallmark Christmas lane, I find myself spending time in the other lane. I'm not sure what to call it; perhaps a descriptive phrase will come to me before the end of this post.Within the past few days I've watched one friend struggle with serious health problems involving treatment that makes her feel worse before she feels better. She's going home for the holidays so she can go to bed and let her mother take care of her.
Another friend is struggling with her husband's unemployment (especially difficult during a gift-giving holiday), her health problems for which she can't afford the necessary treatment and her self-centered mother. She's in that uncomfortable place where she has to receive gifts with a gracious smile while not being able to give any in return.
Earlier this week I had dinner with my ex-step-father-in-law who is watching his beloved wife depart inch-by-inch into the hellhole that is Alzheimer's. While he sits at her bedside he recalls that 28 years ago he nursed his first wife as cancer took her away too soon and too painfully.
My daughters and I just found out their father and my ex-husband is engaged. This was a very big surprise to me, and I can honestly say I'm weirdly not upset or saddened by the news. I'm kinda waiting for the second shoe to drop and grief and tears to start but, ya know, I don't think it's going to happen. I wish him well and hope they will be happy together.
I don't mean this post to be depressing or anti Christmas. I'm just observing that life doesn't stop for the holidays; some people just travel through them in the other lane.
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3 comments:
Over the last few years I have lost my Father and my Mother in law, right at Christmas. This year my Father in law is dying of cancer. Hard to be in a Holiday mood. Great post, thanks for sharing.
We talked about this exact thing at church today. What does Christmas mean to the parents who are watching their baby die of cancer, the family that doesn't have any toys under the tree because of the bad economy, the widow that just buried her husband of 30 years.
Live for the moment I guess.
Merry Christmas Christi.
I have felt like I'm traveling in both lanes this year. Sometimes I'm rushing along buying presents and humming Christmas carols. But others I am so sad over losses I've experienced, grandparents that aren't here anymore, and thinking of how many people are struggling just to get food on the table this year. I think as I've gotten older I understand why so many people can get depressed during the holidays, but then I realize that I want the little ones in my life to have it be a magical time like I experienced it growing up. So I feel like I'm always being pulled in both directions. Great post, Christi.
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